I wonder sometimes how people change themselves, I mean really change themselves. How do we become these complex individuals, with all these seemingly complex issues? Life is really only as complicated as we make it. I think for the longest time I was looking for someone to spend my life with as a partner, when all I really need right now is best friend. I found that person, but its so hard to seperate the need to be involved with them in other ways. I get dissalusioned into thinking that it could be more than what we have. I don't think I can really be with anyone until I have learned to be happy with myself, and become less selfish and more positive with my life. At work, I am happy and helpful and cheerful to the point that I think it drives some of my coworkers a little crazy, but how do I carry that over into my non working life. I have passions, at least I think I do. I just can't think of what any are. I'm so focused on paying off these loans, and not owing money to people. I get so overwhelmed with wondering what to do with my life, then I get sidetracked and end up doing nothing. Who am I really? What is it that I love to do? How can I combine those things to make a living and be happy? I am going to try to answer these questions over the next year. I've come a long way from that sad little girl I was, and still to some extent am. Maybe eventually it will all make sense.